Love me
LOVE LANGUAGES- I am an advocate
THIS! This is real, people! I wish everybody could subscribe to this. If you want a copy, I have one I gave my husband years ago. It's still unread, and now we're in marriage counseling. Just kidding, he read the title?
Knowing love languages is such a valuable tool to have. It's important because you learn and understand yours, your children, friends, colleagues, spouse—the whole damn world, maybe. I doubt my grandparents knew what the fuck that was (may they rest in peace), and that's ok. It was a different time. My parents didn't know either; they learned the general concept later. I'm sure I gave them a copy to read. Okay, so they have a general idea now. They know what makes them happy and when that need isn't being met by the other, and then one's sad, upset, or hurt. This issue here is that they are prideful people and won't let the other know their needs aren't being met. They have too much pride to let the other know why they were upset. So they understand their own language but don't practice it or take the time to act on the other person's love language.
I'm such an advocate for love languages because I see the value in them. I learned mine later on, and it has helped me understand actions and non-actions from people I really care about. My parents loved me the best way they knew how. They were raised with the tough love mentality, and they did what they knew, what they perceived as normal. Tough love, as in that hardworking mentality, don't talk about emotions, just keep at it until you’re finally happy or dead?
(This is sounding worse written down. They're wonderful people, I swear. I love my parents, and they love who I am, and honestly, how could they not? I'm a freaking blessing.)
My parents put a lot of value on education, having a career, and most importantly, not getting pregnant. The general thought behind that was, well, if we as young Mexican teens became mothers at an early age, our lives would be over! Done. No opportunity, no hope for a fruitful or financially stable life, basically just shit. They felt that those same opportunities would be out of reach for us because our children would be the center of our worlds. Umm, I get this... their words and actions were based out of fear. Like the fear that they instilled in us when it came to the opposite sex. It was an extreme form of tough love, but that was the best way they knew how to keep us safe.
I think my dad's primary love language is Acts of Service, and my mom's is gifts and quality time. I can understand why they would disconnect. My dad would prefer one of us mow the lawn, and my mom would swoop in and pay somebody to do it for them. He doesn't see it as love, just a waste of money. My mom totally does. That's a small example. Maybe it'll land?
My parents worked hard to put us in school. My mom would sell her things and pretty jewelry to pay for our tuition, buy us fresh ass sneakers and bell bottoms. Wow, we were little shits... just kidding. The point is she was loving us the way that she loves best. My dad worked long hours, and if he showed up to a sporting event, well then, hot damn! It was rare that he pulled himself away from work, but he did when he could. Back then, it was overlooked, like, "Homie, why can't you make it to more?" We were ingrates! But now, I and half of my siblings understand that he was loving us in his language.
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This is why I put so much emphasis on knowing love languages. When you know better, you can do better. Not always but you start to become aware of other people’s actions and empathize with them. It’s a nice and easy start to healing as a collective. You start to love people the way they need to be loved, even if it’s strange and different to what you’re used to.
Contrary to the rest of the Hernandezzz, I possess a distinct sensitivity. I am incredibly compassionate, highly empathetic, and characterized by a delightful randomness that sets me apart within our family. I’m not saying that the rest suck, I just have a high EI. Anyway, My MLL are words of affirmation. I hear that’s the more difficult one to subscribe to if you are on the other side of the spectrum (per my husband).
This is important for me to relay because growing up I needed to hear certain things that I didn’t. Not from a lack of love but from a lack of knowing. So it’s good to know yours and express that to whoever you’re in a relationship with or even to friends and family. It’s healthy because you’re communicating your needs and the right people in your life will understand the assignment. They will rise to the challenge and if they don’t, that is not a reflection of you.
You are worthy of the love you need. You are special and it may take time for others to realize that, but don’t let the lack on their end dim your light. They’ll see it eventually and if they don’t it’s ok, I see you <3
Love & Guidance
Discover and understand your love language: Take the time to explore and comprehend your primary love language. By knowing how you best receive love and feel appreciated, you can effectively communicate your needs to others.
Share your love language: Once you've identified your love language, communicate it to your partner, friends, and family members. Expressing your preferences allows them to understand how to demonstrate their love and support in ways that resonate with you.
Learn the love languages of others: In addition to understanding your own love language, make an effort to learn and recognize the love languages of the important people in your life. Pay attention to their actions, what brings them joy, and how they express love. This understanding strengthens your connections and fosters more meaningful relationships.
Practice empathy and adaptability: Keep in mind that everyone has unique love languages that may differ from your own. Practice empathy by putting yourself in their shoes and make an effort to adapt to their love language. Show them love and support in ways that resonate with them, even if it's different from how you naturally express love.
Prioritize open and attentive communication: Effective communication is vital in any relationship. Be open and honest about your needs, and encourage others to do the same. Actively listen to each other and be willing to make adjustments to ensure that everyone feels loved and appreciated.
Exercise patience and understanding: Understanding love languages is a process that takes time and practice. Be patient with yourself and with others as you navigate these dynamics. Remember that everyone is unique, and it may take time for them to fully grasp and apply the concept of love languages.
Seek professional support when needed: If you and your partner encounter challenges in your relationship, consider seeking professional help through marriage counseling or couples therapy. These resources can provide a supportive environment to explore your love languages and work through any underlying issues.
Remember, love languages are not a one-size-fits-all solution, but they serve as a powerful tool for cultivating stronger connections and healthier relationships. Continually learn, practice, and express love in ways that resonate with both you and the people you care about.
