Letting go is a Bitch
But holding on might be more painful…
I have been in a handful of relationships and I thought I was THE mack daddy. I didn’t catch feelings and when the guy did, I’d lose interest. Total B move, It was so strange and I couldn’t understand it. Maybe I knew deep down I wasn’t ready for anything serious. That was true until the day I saw this beautiful man and something came over me, I walked right up to him and introduced myself like I was a politician looking for constituents. That was very out of character of me back in the day. Any ways, we dated on and off for years and this man made it very very clear that he didn’t want a serious relationship. Little Yuri believed he would eventually cave and fall madly in love. It was a painful relationship because it was on and off, sexy and weird. I so badly just wanted this man to choose me. He chose his work, lifestyle, and other women over me every single time and I would wait around to get bread crumbs from him.
Years went by and he loved me the best he knew how, the crumbs eventually turned into slices. I wanted the whole damn loaf! I was there for him in all his up and downs and I didn’t care about my life, myself or my well being. One early morning I was driving downtown to the gym and I saw his car parked in a driveway… he didn’t live downtown. He also wasn’t an early riser. I knew his routine as I had been conditioned to working with it for years. He takes his time in the morning to eat, poop, read, paint, whatever… and then heads out for the day.
My stomach was in knots and I knew I should have believed him, he didn’t want to be in a committed relationship and he would tell me this, I just chose to ignore it. I didn’t hate him for doing exactly what he said. We talked about it and as he said loving things to me, it felt as if my entire body was physically bruised. Every sweet word would hit my body and leave me feeling more hurt than before. At this moment I knew that I had to let go of him. I had to love him unconditionally, that’s all he wanted and I didn’t see that at the time. I couldn’t expect somebody to care for me more than I cared for myself. I had to let go because holding on to him was too painful.
Funny thing.. as soon as I let go he realized how incredibly special I AM. I knew that I would move on and learn to love myself. When I did that, I could verbalize what made me happy, what didn’t, how I wanted to be treated and how not. I grew with this man and I learned to love, grieve and love so deeply without conditions.
To little Yuri and you the reader,
When somebody shows you who they are, believe them! Having gone through this didn’t make me hate love, I was grateful for it and kept putting my heart out there. My advice to you would be to love yourself first. You are a queen/ king. You are worthy of love and not that love for a sandwich, love that fills every cell of your body! You do not need to chase, you attract. You show people how to treat you and by loving yourself so very much you are making it loud and clear that you matter and won’t accept anything less than. <3
love & guidance:
Recognize your worth and value: Understand that you deserve to be loved and treated with respect. Prioritize your own well-being and happiness. Don't settle for crumbs or accept less than what you truly deserve.
Listen to the truth: When someone tells you they don't want a serious relationship or shows you through their actions that they are not fully committed, believe them. Don't try to change or fix someone's intentions or feelings. It's important to accept the reality and respect their honesty.
Love yourself unconditionally: Cultivate a strong sense of self-love and self-worth. Focus on your own growth, happiness, and well-being. When you love yourself deeply, you attract people who appreciate and cherish you for who you are.
Set clear boundaries and communicate your needs: Learn to articulate your desires, expectations, and boundaries in relationships. It's important to express what makes you happy, what doesn't, and how you want to be treated. Healthy relationships thrive on open and honest communication.
Let go when it's necessary: Sometimes, letting go of a relationship that is causing you pain and no longer serving you is the best decision. Holding on to someone who is not fully committed can be emotionally draining. Trust your instincts and prioritize your own happiness and well-being.
Embrace self-discovery and personal growth: Use the experiences you've had to learn and grow. Take the time to understand yourself better, your needs, and your desires. Invest in personal development and pursue activities that bring you joy and fulfillment.
Have faith in love: Despite the challenges and heartbreak you may have experienced, don't let it diminish your belief in love. Continue to have an open heart, but also be discerning and choose partners who are willing to reciprocate your love and respect.
Remember, you are worthy of a love that fills every cell of your being. Prioritize self-love, set healthy boundaries, and be patient in finding someone who will love and appreciate you fully. Focus on becoming the best version of yourself and creating a life that brings you joy and fulfillment.
